As if to rub it in my face...

So I was complaining about "Science" and it's part in the lack of hoverboards in our world a couple of weeks ago, and now look what comes up for auction on ebay:


The auction starts tomorrow, and runs for a week, so go ahead if you've got thirty thousand dollars to splash out on a hoverboard that doesn't actually work. Jesus. Even better, the auction states that "It is in used but outstanding condition" which is just bizarre. Used? IT'S NOT A REAL HOVERBOARD! What did they use the thing for other than making the movie?

Please note, despite this... if you're out there and want to be my sugar daddy, this is a good place to start. I can be very nice.

Credit where it's due, I spotted this on High Snobiety.

Gake no ue no Ponyo - aka: Ponyo - Fish-child

Hayao Miyazaki's new movie Gake no ue no Ponyo (literally "Ponyo on the cliff by the sea") just came out here. Sadly I won't be watching it in the theatre, since it'll be sans subs; but since I (like almost everyone else on the planet except my girlfriend) pretty much assume that Miyazaki can't make a bad movie, it'll probably be pretty great.


It's about Ponyo, who is some kind of fish-child-thing who runs away from home and meets a boy who lives on a cliff. Of course she wants to become a real girl, and go walkin' around on those... Whaddya call 'em? Oh, feet. It doesn't look to be too deep, but it's probably really touching, and I'd imagine it to be close to Tonari no Totoro in terms of its overall feeling. It's squarely aimed at kids though, and of course kids have apparently been key to it's success. And how do you hook kids? Other than monkeys? With a SONG!

Wasn't that adorable? Seriously, all the kids are humming it. It's in their brains now, and it's not going away until their parents take them to the goddamn movie. Ok, maybe I'm humming it too. And now you are too. It goes:

Ponyo, Ponyo, Ponyo
Sakana no ko...

Yeah about that sakana no ko thing. Ponyo is often refered to as a goldfish, and I don't want to be all churlish and whatever but that is one funky looking goldfish. She does a little like Jimmy, the Hideous Penguin Boy though. While explaining the plot to me somebody fumbled around for what she is (there is a lot of confusion, even amongst the young) eventually settling on "fish-child". Fish-child is a fair translation of sakana no ko too, so let's go with that. I'm pretty sure that her actual species is "Cute", but probably those pencil-pushing poindexter scientists don't have that in their exercise books yet. Look sharp scientists.

I Recommend Comic Books : The Goon

Some time ago a friend of mine, a Robert Minson, recommended to me the comic book The Goon. Robert often speaks in riddles and lies, the better to vex his foes and test his aquaintances; but this time he appears to have been being straight as the proverbial. The Goon is a dazzlingly good work of fiction: equal parts creeping horror, absurd slapstick humour, beautifully weighted pathos, and sickening brutality. It's writer and artist Eric Powell has rocketed to the top of my genius pile for being able to balance the tone so wonderfully. The story of a big, surly, musclebound Goon fighting the forces of evil in a rundown backwater town, dances from grizzly violence to comic absurdity with the lightest of steps. It's an incredible feat. Plus it includes such scenes as:




I think more people should read comic books, and I certainly think more people should read this.

The Inevitable Japanese Vending Machines Post

Yes, Japan has a lot of vending machines. They line every street, making sure that no matter what time of the night it is you always have their friendly white glow to light your way home. Of course it's a sign of Japan's rampant consumer culture, but it's also pretty goddamn convenient and pretty vital for surviving the strength-sapping summer, or warming up in the freezing winter. Also the colours are so pretty! And the contents of each machine vary ever so slightly, so that I've started running over to check out unusual looking vending machines incase they have a can of Nectar of the Gods or something.

Anyway, here's a pretty perfunctory post about the joys of Japanese vending machines. Let's start off with a photo I took after the snow hit Sapporo this year. Everyone seems to love this photo so let's look at it again:


It's actually a comment on the ritual of... something... or... yeah. I got lucky with that shot.

I have never seen the used-underwear vending machine of legend. If they ever existed, I doubt they do now. Although apparently this is the chief point of reference for Japan, for those who live on the internet. Which of course tells you a lot more about the internet than it does about Japan etc. etc.

One huge difference is that in the UK we have so many chocolate and sweets vending machines, whereas in Japan they have almost none. The one time I did find chocolate in a vending machine, quite awesomely it came in a glass jar, I assume so that it could be slotted into the machine where a can should go. I kept the jar of course, it looked more valuable than the chocolate, and I like shiny things:


Here's a blog by a guy in my city who takes a photo almost every day (Monday to Friday) of the Coca-Cola vending machine opposite his appartment: http://jihan.sblo.jp/ It's a wonderful idea, and he's something of a hero to me, but that doesn't stop his blog being pretty soul-smashingly boring after a few minutes. Also: Coca-Cola? It's a shame it isn't a Suntory or Sapporo vending machine, I like those a lot more. His blog name apparently translates as "I take a picture of a vending machine everyday (or so.) I am sorry." It's nice that he apologises for doing it.


And here's a Sapporo Ramen vending machine that I found hidden away in the backstreets of Fukuoka. I have now found one of these in Sapporo too, but for a while it felt like this was the bastion of Sapporo-style ramen in Fukuoka - Tonkotsu Ramen City.


There's a good post about the Vending Machine expo in Tokyo here. Loads of really cool machines that I'm sure I'll never see.

And of course, another interesting thing about the vending machines in Japan is that if they were on the streets like this in the UK, they'd all be tipped over or smashed. No-one thinks to do that in Japan.

Used Clothing Coward

Dammit. Yet another name I can't use when I open my emporium of joy. I guess Electronics Moron is still free. And Shoes Pervert.

The Three Pilliars of Western Civilization: Coffee, Rock and Wrestling

I really started to love coffee a few years ago, so this is the first of probably many posts about that dark, heady mistress. Coffee. During the week it's fuel, and my tristes with coffee are perfunctory and business like. But on the weekend I like to really spend some time with coffee, you know, lavish some attention on it. Oh coffee... come here you...

So I keep track of places here that serve good coffee, and believe me that'll be a whole series of posts in the future. While the coffee boom took root in Japan just as much as it did everywhere else, coffee here probably isn't as good as the States or Europe overall, and finding great, strong coffee isn't all that easy.

But anyway, as well as looking for coffee in the real world, I keep my antenna up online, so I immediately noted a fun story in the Guardian that Megadeth frontman (or as I like to think of him, former Metallica guitarist) Dave Mustaine had launched his own blend of coffee.

What are you waiting for?

But not only that, it seems that while Mustaine gets the column inches, he's only one side of this currently three-headed hydra, as you can also get your buzz-buzz on with the help of former WCW and WWE wrestler Goldberg, and Anthrax drummer Charlie Benante.

That was the point that I realised I had to post this, because if I don't then Bunny will, and I'll have been scooped by my own sister. As it is: Hey Bunny! Goldberg has his own coffee and it's called Jackhammer Java!

I really wanted to find a review of some of these blends from independant sources, but the best I could find online was a bunch of people going "Dave Mustaine's got his own coffee! Sweet!" or "Dave Mustaine's got his own coffee! Fffnnnaaar!" Which means I'm sorely tempted to try them myself, although they are a bit dear. Anyway there's plenty of hilarity to be had by clicking around the Legends Cup Coffee store, so go right ahead, but to be honest I don't think the concept of Dave Mustaine's Coffee is all that ridiculous. Guy likes coffee I guess.

Dave Mustaine's Decaf Coffee though? That is fucking hysterical.

Seriously now, Mervyn Peake's Gormenghast... damn.

I love Salinger for how much he creates with only a few well placed observations. At times in his Gormenghast trilogy Mervyn Peake accomplishes the same feat, but sometimes he just lets the prose flow. As if he took one look at your brain and said, "Wouldn't you rather be using that for something?"