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Hey, I don't know about your advent calendar, but my advent calendar says there are only three sleeps until Christmas! (Ahem, as usual, I'm posing this... from the future, so let's just skip over any confusing about 'day counts' or whatever, ok?) And you know what I love? No, not that, something else. I mean, I love that, but I love something else too.
That's right! Christmas!
So I put twenty Christmas songs on a playlist for you to listen to!
And trust me when I tell you that they are all solid gold and shot through with the spirit of Christmas. If you don't like any of those songs, then I would ask you if you had ever been in the same room as Ebeneezer Scrooge before, and if not, then perhaps it would be clement for you to perhaps start questioning your own identity because it may be more than possible that you - yourself - are Ebeneezer Scrooge!
Or possibly The Grinch!
Daniel Way's Deadpool:
Still kicking ass and taking names. It's a sign of how well Way's doing on the series that I'm looking at the other recent Deadpool minis, one-shots and... another ongoing series? really? that seems like a terrible idea... and thinking about how they're just hopping on Way's coat-tails rather than how he's ripping off Joe Kelly's earlier take on the character. Because he's doing a pretty good job of making it his own.
Also, the Wolverine movie isn't out here yet (or if it is, I've missed it - also possible) so I haven't had a chance to see Ryan Reynolds doing Deadpool. I mean, I like Ryan Reynolds and I love Deadpool... but I haven't heard good things about his role in the movie...
Ok Ladies and Germs, hang on to your hats because this might get messy! The Eurovision Song Contest Grand Final 2009, blow by tragi-comic blow!
May I also take this moment to point you in the direction of my 8track mixes page, where I've upped a mix of the 8 best songs from Eurovision. I left out a couple of half decent ones, but 8 pretty much covers it:
Look, you can listen while you read!
I felt that Russia, the hosts, kicked things off in a slightly disengenuous way, with a spectacular opening rendition of last year's winning track that noticably lacked the figure skater and ripped open shirt that almost certainly won it for them. It was like: "Hey, here's that fantastic song that won it for us last year. Where's the figure skater? No... no, I definitely don't remember there being a figure skater... ah... involved. I think I would remember something like that."
I liked the final hosts a lot less than the semi-final hosts too. The semi-final hosts were borderline incompetent, but carried it with an indomitably exuberant charm. The final hosts were, eh, kinda boring. And their bad jokes just came off like bad jokes rather than so-so jokes that were fumbled into failure, then ressurected by shouting "Hello lovely audience!" Overall though there was surprisingly little dead, boring time, and barring the inevitably excruciating voting process (where the arena emptied of live audience at a hilarious pace) the whole thing held your attention pretty well. And here're the ladies and gents who held it, in order of their appearance.
1) Lithuania - Sasha Son - Love
There were a number of entries this year that provoked a spit-take when they made it through the semis into the final. Young Sasha was a rake-like gentleman who sang a simple piano ballad and concealed a hand-held flamethrower until the very end of the song. That little stunt raised my eyebrow a touch, but it was a boring song to kick things off with.
2) Israel - Noa & Mira Awad - There Must Be Another Way
An annoyingly worthy world-peace ballad, sung in a duet by a Palestinian singer and an Israeli singer. Mira changed her hairstyle drastically between the semi and the final and there was some drumming on tin-drums but it was a poor song that probably made it through on the unity gimmick. Man, I sound cynical about this whole thing, it's good that Israel can send a message of unity at the Eurovision song contest, I know! But still I laughed out loud during the results of the semifinal when the presenter yelled out "The most politically correct song goes to the final!"
3) France - Patricia Kaas - Et S'il Fallait Le Faire
As I'm sure you know, France are one of the automatic qualifiers because they're one of the biggest economies in Europe so they pay for a lot of the competition. Last year they entered Sebastien Tellier in a song that was both ridiculous and brilliant, but this year they went a lot more serious with Patricia Kaas who gave a wrenching performance of a real French torch ballad. It was intense, very French and actually pretty good. Not as good as Sebastien Tellier but better than Spain.
4) Sweden - Malena Ernman - La Voix
This was a terrible pop/opera car crash where Malena's voice soared breathtakingly into the operatic choruses and struggled for strength when she dropped to the disco verses. She seemed surprisingly self-concious to be there too, occasionally pulling goofy smiles and odd facial expressions as if to agree with the audience: "Wow! This is kinda silly and fun isn't it?" Darling. Don't ruin the magic. And you only made it to the final because you're from the same country as Abba, so don't push your luck.
5) Croatia - Igor Cukrov feat. Andrea - Lijepa Tena
Eurovision cliches that I'm sick of: the juxtaposition of white and black. Yes, as colours, they are very different, and when you dress one person in white and the rest in black they stand out. But c'mon - it's losing it's impact when Sweden, Croatia, Greece and more are all using the same trick. I was staggered that this piffling flamenco ballad got through to the final, and won't waste any more of your time with it other than to say that his boots were horrible. Just horrible.
6) Portugal - Flor-de-lis - Todas As Ruas Dos Amor
Portugal sent their hippies, and I don't much like hippies. She sang much better in the semi-final than the final too, and I was kinda sad about that. But it was no damn good, so I didn't feel very sad.
7) Iceland - Yohanna - Is It True?
I am not a big fan of ballads, but y'know this one was alright. It was "Very Disney" for sure, but it was a really well written, well sung, well produced tear-jerker that deserved to come second in the competition. I knew I could count on Iceland. Now if only Finland hadn't let me down so badly.
8) Greece - Sakas Rouvas - This Is Our Night
This one was hotly tipped and I'm guessing it was because of Sakas' god-like physique, coz it sure as hell couldn't have been the song. The performance was pretty good, involving some nice jumping and a kind of giant stapler that doubled as both a moving walkway and a raising platform, but between the semi-final and the final... Sakas was a changed man. In the semi his polo shirt and hearty physical presence (along with the instantly forgettable tune) made the whole thing seem like a keep-fit DVD. But in the final the shirt was hanging open (obscenely or invitingly, I'll let you decide) and Sakas was giving it so much extra va-va-voom I was worried he was going to do himself or someone else an injury. I prepared a presentation, look:
In a way I'm sad that being a male-stripper didn't net him much success. But again it wasn't a very good song, so not that sad.
9) Armenia - Inga & Anush - Jan Jan
My favourite, and I think overall the best song in the competition. It's always good when they can balance some of the sound of the country with a kick-ass pop song. It starts off inauspiciously with generic wailing; but by the end they've gone through so many sections, and thrown so many melodic and harmonic kicks and splashes in there... it's exhausting.
Plus - lasers!
10) Russia - Anastasia Prikhodko - Mamo
Russia, triumphant last year, had nothing to lose. So they put in this insanely melodramatic, screaming dirge. Awesome, and for some reason it feels so much more... Russian, than their winning entry last year.
See? Russian.
11) Azerbaijan - AySel and Arash - Always
Yuki liked this one coz it was a fun pop song; I couldn't believe it made it past the semis. A hi-energy dance pop duet sung by an honest-to-god couple. You could understand why he was so happy - he was nothing much to look at but he got to sing on Eurovision with his super-hot girlfriend and play a little banjo-thing. Whatever dude, whatever.
12) Bosnia & Herzegovina - Regina - Bistra Voda
Again, I was surprised this made it through to the final - it seemed shockingly dull to me. The all-cream military themed costumes came across well but then when it zoomed in they all looked sickly and had stupid greasy emo hair and lame stubble. Were they meant to resemble soldiers on the front? And if so why did the girls have such perfect make-up and ruby-red lips? Ah, conceptual innacuracy, I can always rely on you to string pop music up.
13) Moldova - Nelly Ciobanu - Hora Din Moldova
This rocked for so many reasons, and probably ended up my second favourite of the competition. They were decked out in very traditional clothes, and the music again comfortably bridged that gap between their historic roots and their sci-fi future. Other reasons for awesomeness: the backing dancers were great, but all kinds of dorky; the backing singer did all thise cool "woooooaaahh!"s and tongue rolls while shaking a spear in the air; there was a bit that was just shouting, and the actual sound of the thing was great. I mean the sound production - the trumpets and drums just sounded really fucking awesome, and gave the whole thing a lot of punch.
Yeah, don't fuck with Moldova huh? He will throw that goddamn spear at you.
14) Malta - Chiara - What If We
Ok, yes, she was a big girl. But she had probably the best voice of the competition, she never seemed to be even trying to hit those notes. Not a bad song too.
15) Estonia - Urban Symphony - Randajad
This was a weirdly depressing number from some kind of chamber-pop group mostly composed of cute girls. Yuki was seriously impressed with the adorable lead singer and her adorable, adorable straight fringe. Seriously - swoon. The song wasn't that great but along with the star field projected through the stage they at least built up quite an atmosphere by the end. And the singer? Her fringe?
ADORABLE.
16) Denmark - Brinck - Believe Again
I think that Denmark wanted to hire Ronan Keating for their song. But maybe there's some sub-clause in the Eurovision rules that prevented them from doing that, so instead they hired Ronan Keating to co-write the song and cloned a slightly weaker version of him to sing it. Really, this could have come straight offa one of Ronan's solo albums (he did have more than one didn't he?) and that should give you some idea of the quality we're dealing with here.
It sucked balls.
Also he had this stupid, open-grip, action-figure pose during the choruses that made him look like he was assembled from a kit. Hey! A Ronan Keating kit!
17) Germany - Alex Swings Oscar Sings - Miss Kiss Kiss Bang
The big news in this number was that Dita Von Tease was part of the stage show, performing a burlesque while some disco-swing berks span Cab Calloway in his grave like a top. But put Dita aside for a second (it's tough, but please try) and the song already had its fair share of show in the lead singer, who: 1) ripped his shirt open 2) wore a pair of glittering trousers so tight that for the first minute I was sure he was unable to move from the spot 3) tap danced, and 4) looked like a horse. All that and Dita Von Tease and the song still sucked. Go figure.
18) Turkey - Hadise - Dum Tek Tek
Another hotly tipped favourite, this one did better, coming in 4th. It probably deserved it too, it's a good pop song in that Turkish-dance-pop style that they've bequeathed to the world now via Holly Valance. This one in particular had some nice off-key diversions and was notable in that it wasn't written for the human voice, but for the human hips.
Seriously, you don't need to open your mouth to sing that song, just... 1, 2, 3. I wouldn't have been pissed if that had won actually, and I think they fucked up the levels on the backing vocals at first. Which sucks, but proves they were singing live I guess.
19) Albania - Kejsi Tola - Carry Me In Your Dreams
Oh man, this one. For a start it suffered coz it traded in exactly the same goods as the Turkish entry, but wasn't as good. And also...
... the performance was freakishly worrying. She was the youngest entrant to this years Eurovision, and she spent her time cavorting with a man in a turquoise, sequined, gimp-suit and two face-painted midgets. Occasionally she would stand or sit on one of the little people while the other span on his head or something. It was simultaneously everything that Eurovision can be, and everything that Eurovision should never be.
20) Norway - Alexander Ryback - Fairytale
The overwhelming favourite before the final, and the overwhelming victor at the end. And for once, I don't really begrudge him the glory - it's a pretty good song. Not too gimmicky, kind of daffy, but a lot of fun and the dancers put on a great show. At first he kind of creeped me out a little because of his ENORMOUS smile and the way he resembles a one man Jonas Brothers. But he's a lot more wholesome and less sleazy than the Jonas Brothers, and maybe he's a little simple but so what? I didn't mind this guy winning Eurovision.
Those backing singers were awesome too, they came on halfway through with their eyes fixed on him adoringly. They were all like "Oooh Alexander, make love to both of us at the same time all night! Oooh Alexander give us babies! Oooh Alexander!" Pschaw, whatever, he's too pure for them. I hope.
21) Ukraine - Svetlana Loboda - Be My Valentine! (Anti-Crisis Girl)
Man, I guess they must mine that shiny, shiny metal in the Ukraine - they've covered all their performers and stage props in it for the last couple of years. Or maybe they just cut up last year's costumes to make this year's. Whatever, Ukraine never go half - they allways go hard. This disco-glam-pop abomination featured backing singers on stilts, an interlude where a drumkit was rolled out for Svetlana to play, spinning dancing poles built into three massive gear wheels on the stage, and these guys:
Cyber-punk centurion backing dancers. The song rode a beat that could've come from a Timbaland production, and by that I mean they ripped off Madonna's Four Minutes and that beat is a fucking travesty to start with. The music was borderline unlistenable, but there was so much attacking my eyes I think my brain diverted all processing power in that direction and shut off my ears completely. Good work brain, but a three minute coma would've worked too.
22) Romania - Elena - The Balkan Girls
This generic dance-pop number started off all floral, with Elena sitting on a stone throne, and her dancers wearing floaty, forest-spirit dresses; but turned out to be about how Balkan girls like to get hammered and kiss boys on the weekend. Don't let me be misunderstood, that ain't a bad topic for a song, but lyrics like "It's time for me to unwind / I'm gonna start my weekend with gin, tonic and lime" aren't the classiest way to explore it. Pretty frank though, and that I admire.
23) UK - Jade Ewen - It's My Time
I actually have no idea how people back in Blighty have reacted to us placing a miraculous fifth in the competition. I was pretty damn impressed, not with the song of course, but with the fact that we could get Europe to at least pretend like they don't hate us. The song was so-so, it sounds like what you would imagine an Andrew Lloyd Webber song written for Eurovision would sound like, or like what Andrew Lloyd Webber thinks an Andrew Lloyd Webber power ballad should sound like. I guess having him on stage earned us the "ice skater" points that Russia got last year too. Since Andrew Lloyd Webber is one of the most physically unattractive beings in the world, I was worried that it might backfire spectacularly but I guess my fears were unfounded. Still it's funny how Germany put this beatiful woman on stage and take a kicking, while we put this repulsive frog-person out there and rake in the points. I wonder how these things happen? Maybe it was just the song.
24) Finland - Waldo's People - Lose Control
You know, I've always had a soft spot for Finland. Not any more. If I was amazed that some songs got through to the final, this one left me thinking I'd been taking crazy pills. Every aspect of it is wretched, from concept to execution, and I only include the video here so that ALL CAN SUFFER. It's about homelessness you know. You can tell by the flaming oil barrels and the way the singers are dressed like hookers and the rapper is their pimp. I'm pretty sure that's not the intention, but y'know - death of the author and all that...
Hahahaha! I just found that the Finland entry is so bad that the SurpriseTurk, whose fine youtube vids of Eurovision I've been embedding, didn't even bother to upload their performance from the final. He did every single other one though. Ok, I've found it now.
Look at all that fire on stage. If only some of it could be on them.
25) Spain - Soraya - La Noche Es Para Mi (The Night Is For Me)
Last year Spain entered a diminutive comedy rapper with slapstick backing dancers and were accused of not taking things seriously. This year they entered, like, a boring euro-pop song that even a stage magic trick couldn't enliven, and the world is worse for it. Boring.
- - -
And that... is... it? Jesus wept, was that as long for you as it was for me? I think I need to go to bed now. As the hosts of every Eurovision broadcast across the world said - see you next year in Oslo!
Well the smoke, glitter, balloons and soaking wet Argentinians have all cleared now, so we can take a deep breath and look back at the glory that was Eurovision 2009. As much as I am the world's foremost Eurovision taste-maker, and my knowledge is second to none, I don't actually possess any instruments to measure how awesome this year's Eurovision was, or compare it to previous years. However my gut says that musically it was slightly less awesome than last year, but that in terms of spectacle Russia's 30 million dollar shindig was second to none.
They cut the obligatory heritage dance section back to the semi-finals, and filled the dead air in the final with Cirque du Soleil and some awesome Argentinian dance troup that were far more passable than the usual fare. Every single surface on the stage seemed capable of projecting an image with some spectacular results, and the wide panning shots were awesome.
Of course, what I'm learning about Eurovision (and yes, I'm learning all the time) is that every year some of the better, and some of the crazier entries go out in the semi-final stage. Because apparently no-one wants to vote for a bear-like Serbian with a bleached afro and a gravelly rapping voice. More's the pity. They'd rather just send Sweden through on the Abba ticket that says "if it's from Sweden, it must be pop gold!" That's gotta stop for a start.
So here then, a round up of the seventeen entries who made the semi-finals - when they were padding the crowd with paid flag wavers, but who didn't make the packed house of the grand final.
Montenegro - Andrea Demirovic - Just Get Out Of My Life
Kicked the whole thing off in ignominious style. A lacklustre, girl-power, dance-pop number that would go on to be outshone by any number of other girl-power, dance-pop numbers. It made me weep for Eurovision that they chose to kick things off with this. Pleasingly, this is one of those songs where you can take the title and say it back to them with far more feeling than they ever did.
Czech Republic - Gypsy.cz - Aven Romale
The first one I wanted to go through, that didn't. Comic-book, gypsy, super-hero, balkan, party-stomp thing. Oh, please ignore the terrible, terrible name - there's a special hell reserved for people who include bits of URLs in their band names. Now that the voting has been swung back in favour of Western Europe with the move to half audience voting and half "expert judges" there's little chance of one of these slightly malnourished romany bands winning Eurovision. But then again, that balkan beat is just getting hotter and hotter right now... you never know.
He can make you really sing like Gypsy. Oh yes.
Belgium - Copycat - Copycat
I think, hands down, the weirdest entry this year. A thuggish looking Elvis impersonator, singing about people trying to impersonate him and steal his "soul", and with a deranged sounding bridge where he seems to be threatening to hide and kill his "fair Priscilla". It seems to be some kind of Elvis blackout song whereby Elvis, or a psychotic Elvis impersonator, hunts and kills other Elvis impersonators.
Woah.
Did Belgium really think this was going to win the hearts and minds of Eurovision viewers? Did they care? Fantastic.
By the way, I'm sorry about the long intro and clipping voice-over on these youtube vids, but they have the best quality video and audio of the songs themselves that I could find on youtube, so just skip to that bit and quit yer belly-aching.
Belarus - Petr Elfimov - Eyes That Never Lie
Check this out:
Questions?
I didn't think so.
Andorra - Susanne Georgi - La Teve Decisio (Get A Life)
Girls with guitars, but... not really in a good way. I know, you're thinking girls with guitars? How can that be a bad thing? I'll tell you how. Meredith Brooks, that's how - and this was sadly reminiscent of her oeuvre. The main singer (I want to say she looked brassy... is that offensive? she had a nice smile!) put her guitar down halfway through too. Sorry Andorra, the bar is low, but it ain't that low.
Switzerland - Lovebugs - The Heighest Heights
No, not like that kite song from Mary Poppins. Are you ready for the formula? It was almost exactly like the Killers, and how the Killers REALLY want to be U2 - but with Scott Weiland on vocals. Oh, and Scott Weiland had surgery to look like Ethan Hawke. Oh and it was shit.
Bulgaria - Krassimir Avramov - Illusion
The kind of song that make the nay-sayers right about Eurovision. I was happy to put money on this as the worst song of the competition even this early on, but little was I to know that the worst song of the competition was still to come and would actually make it through to the final! This was a still shocking performance of a terrible song. It had a bit towards the end where they were all wailing and going for the falsettos and NONE OF IT WAS IN TUNE. It was like some malfunctioning sine-wave test. And look:
World's shittest LOTR cosplay winners 2009.
Macedonia - Next Time - Neshto Shto Ke Ostane
Gentlemen, you'll be the Macedonian Bon Jovi I presume? Down to the Jon Bon Jovi, Richie Sambora back-to-back opening pose? Let me check my clipboard... hmmm... let's see here... yeah, I thought so. I'm afraid there's simply no concievable reason for you to exist! Yeah, I know, sucks for you but what can you do? Just wait on that bus over there with the Swiss Killers and someone'll take you home in a bit.
Ireland - Sinead Mulvey and Black Daisy - Et Cetera
Well, Ireland are taking steps towards taking the competition seriously again at least. This one might have even got through, except that it didn't. After last year entering a tuneless puppet, this year Ireland opted for the all-girl rock band from a 1997 TV movie about a fictional all-girl rock band and their boy troubles. Kinda like the Donnas meets the Commitments, but not very good.
Latvia - Intars Busulis - Probka
Another of my favourites that didn't make it through, but then this one never stood a chance. A diminutive, badly dressed frontman throwing a New-Wave-Huey-Lewis temper tantrum about traffic jams. I liked the song, his bendy legs, and the way he was dwarfed by his cute backing singers. I was confused by the bit where water was flowing through the hands on the projection... the metaphor was lost on me. It's the time we spend in cars is like water... um... The song's in Russian too, which didn't seem to help him garner votes.
Serbia - Marko Kon and Milaan - Cipela
Minimal balkan comedy rap? I will buy that for a dollar. And comedy hair too? Sir, you had me at comedy rap, you needed go no further. Another one that would've made the final more interesting had it gone through. Not fantastic, but it's got a lot going for it. Kind of like an electro drinking chant with a strangely threatening melody and a billiously green stage:
Poland - Lydia Kopania - I Don't Wanna Leave
I honestly can't remember what this was or whether it was any good. My notes (yes, I take notes) say "Ballad thing - ballet dancers. Nice chords in the chorus. Bit boring." Hold on a sec.
OK, I checked it out on youtube. What I wrote there pretty much covers it. You're not missing much.
Cyprus - Christina Metaxa - Firefly
Some dude in the audience gave a hoarse, strangled yelp of "Christina!" in the silence just before the music kicked in. She was a wide-eyed ingenue, sitting on a spinning cube of light, singing a ballad about... I'm assuming the wonder and magic of the world in which we all live. Together, need I remind you. Really, she looked far to innocent to be caught up in the sleazy, sordid world of Eurovision. I can't imagine what they did to her backstage. I thought that several songs this year were "Very Disney" but this one was "Disney-rific!" You could swap it in for that Elton John ballad in The Lion King, in that scene where the two lions are fucking or whatever, and you wouldn't be able to tell the difference.
Slovakia - Kamil Mikulcik & Nena Pociskova - Let' Tmou
Another ballad, this one a duet by a beautiful girl and a guy who thought it would look rugged not to shave for a couple of weeks. I mean, I'm one to talk, but at least I'm under no illusions that I look like a drunk or a transient. This one made me wonder: cummerbunds? Are they hot or not?
Slovenia - Quartissimo feat. Martina - Love Symphony
So apparently, Martina has been on Eurovision as a backing singer several times before, but this is her first shot up front. Or, out back, as it were, because she spent at least half the song hidden from view. I found a snap from the early rehearsals that shows you:
While I was watching, waiting for her to appear, as the string quartet (a male Bond) prowled the stage like slightly pasty lotharios, I ran through a number of possibilities in my head. It's a terrible Spinal Tap-esque stage malfunction, that has left her trapped behind a paper sheet! She's actually really ugly, and the only way she was allowed to sing lead was if she was kept hidden from the viewers' eyes! She's not ugly but she was accidentally hideously scarred during rehearsals by a misfiring pyrotechnic and they're hiding her away for now! None of these turned out to be true, she looked nice and came out at what might have been a climactic moment, but wasn't because it wasn't a very good song.
Hungary - Zoli Adok - Dance With Me
I found it hard to hate this guile-less Euro-disco number, awful as it was. He and all his dancers wore tearaway clothes that changed them from fairly simple, classy looking dancers; to gaudy, tasteless buffoons. It had male falsetto backing vocals, and didn't deserve to go through but y'know... it was a nice reminder of Eurovision's heritage.
The Netherlands - The Toppers - Shine
Apparently this was tipped? It was a favourite? At first I had it pegged as the pub entry; as in the head of the Dutch Eurovision entry was in the pub and realised he'd forgotten to put an entry together, so he got whoever was in there at the time, gave them shiny suits and sent them to Moscow. But on reflection (look at the suits, re-read that phrase, enjoy play-on-words) they look like veteran entertainers with big hearts who were given a shot at Eurovision. I don't think the Dutch care much about Eurovision, and I'm not judging them for that, but I'm surprised that anyone thought this feel-good kiddie-pop was going anywhere.
Yeah, that lady was scratching a mixing desk thing that she was carrying around her neck. At first I thought she was dishing out snacks. I'm not sure which would be better.
- - -
So, those are the songs that didn't make it to the Grand Final. Providing my sanity, my fingers and my laptop hold up, tomorrow I'll try and take you through the twenty five finalists. You'll never make it on your own.
Thanks to Matt "The Farago from Chicago" Longarini for sending this my way.
Oh yeah.
So like I said, yesterday was a bit flat, but my arm seems to be healing slowly without the aid of drastic medical intervention, so that's nice. Also today I got confirmation of an event I heard about ages ago, and this confirmation adds further evidence to the claim that I may be living in the most awesome place in the world. Go ahead, ask me what I'm doing on 21st / 22nd February next year.
I'm going to Showa-Shinzan International Yukigassen.
Oh wait, let me translate - I'm going to Showa-Shinzan International Snowball Fight.
Hot fucking damn, and I mean that with all the emphasis I can muster. Not only does this exist, but they also have a pretty great website in English too that you have to check out. It was started back in 1988 as a way to drive tourists to Soubetsu town and Showa-Shinzan mountain - a popular hiking destination in the summer, but an inhospitable arctic peak in winter. And when it comes to schemes to revive your depressed and ailing rural town this has to be one of the very best.
It looks to have worked a charm, the website claims crowds of around 25000 for the two day event last year, and almost 200 teams from around the world competing. They seem to have taken your basic "chuck balls of snow at each other" concept and worked it into a frantic 9 minute combination of "Capture the Flag" and dodgeball that I can't wait to see. Actually, there's a PR video here, but sadly the resolution is so bad it's virtually unwatchable. They designed a special snowball fight helmet (yours for around 60 quid) and a machine for making regulation sized snowballs (a slightly dearer 400 quid). There's even an official Yukigassen magazine and ASICs sneakers that I assume are perfect for running around in the snow in. I thought the concept was brilliant to start with, but when I checked out the depth of information on the website... man it looks somewhere BEYOND AWESOME.
And check these out:
Oh dear god, yes.
Nipponia Electronica - HiVisionGo here to read my previous post about seeing Nipponia live. Man's a stone genius.
You know, I often think "Oh, if only I hadn't flunked out of medical school I could be a doctor now!" Or "Oh, if only I hadn't washed outta boot camp, I'd have made Major by now!" Or words to that effect. But thanks to the Guardian's photo feature on Jeffrey R. Werner's book Incredible Stunts, I've found a whole new career path that I missed out on:
Stuntman.
And yes, incase you were wondering, that is the best photo ever.
Where's the drawback? You even get to write your own name on the side of your car in big swirly letters! And you get to have a name like Spanky Spangler. It's win, win, win. Except for the bit where you fail to reach the necessary speed and then you have to spend a year in hospital recovering from massive injuries and your career is over instantly. Oh and:
"Reno Jaton holds the quarter-mile world record for being dragged on pavement behind a 14,000-horsepower jet car, reaching 236 mph, subjecting his body to at least 6 Gs, and enduring the spitting flames of the jet engine that reached 700-degrees Fahrenheit"
You know what dude? You can have that record. Go ahead, it's cool, I don't want it.
So I mentioned that I saw the V∞redoms (thank god for the copy & paste function that frees me from finding out how to type that infinity sign) at Rising Sun Rock. And I mentioned they were awesome, but here's a little more. They played first on the dance stage on Saturday, for 20 minutes longer than almost everyone else that weekend. They had four drummers with full kits (including Yoshimi P-We), Yamantaka Eye and another dude helping out on guitar, electronics and tuning Eye's farcical seven necked guitar.
Yes, the seven necked guitar, according to wikipedia called the "Sevener". Sadly I couldn't find any good photos of it online, but luckily I found a video from Portland this year. When I saw them setting up I thought: "Whoah, that things huge, he's going to need a stepladder to play it." Of course he didn't, because he just hit the thing with sticks:
It's like he thought "guitars sound great, but I just like hitting drums so much... wait a second..." Obviously beating on it with sticks tends to knock it out of tune, so for a while the other guy's job was to retune it. The sun was searing too, so Eye was wearing a huge farmer's hat too, that added to the whole... insanity of it. Seeing them was very special for me since I've wanted to see the Boredoms/V∞redoms for years now, and they actually played Birmingham, my hometown, about a month after I left for Japan. That's kinda annoying to be honest, so now I feel like the world's been set to rights a little.
