That one movie with Corey Haim and Corey Feldman...

... you know the one. No, not Lost Boys.

So, as I was saying, last week I dared to dream, aimed for a driving licence and was turned away for not being able to prove that I lived in the UK for long enough. Oh wells, we live and learn, well I don't know about you, but I certainly did - picking myself up and dragging myself across town in the rain to give it another shot at this place:


The Unten Menkyo Shiken Jo - The Driving License Issuing Centre. The weather was the diametric opposite of my last visit, switching from dry, blazing heat to constant rain that stuck around all day. Last week I was left with the impression of the last sorting office before you hit death valley; this time I could take in the verdant jungle peak of Mount Teine and the delights of a very simple cafeteria that served quite simply the worst coffee I've had in a long time. Oh my word. Ouch.

It was a pretty long process, but thanks to the deal that the UK and Japan share regarding driving licenses, a pretty easy one. No practical test thank God, and no written one either. I shuffled between desks and eye-tests and photo machines, confirming details, buying payment stamps and signing forms between nine and twelve, then waited two hours while they made my license and I was on my way. I finished two books, chatted with a pleasant American, ate lousy onigiri and poked around the place a little.


That's the test course, and one of the test cars waiting for it's next meal.

I mean victim.

I mean applicant.

Whatever, as I was finishing the first part of the procedure lots and lots of people started gathering in the main area of the building. I had no idea what was going on, at first I thought people were queueing for something, I was like - should I be queueing? If they start giving out ice cream I'm gonna be pissed that I didn't queue. Luckily it was only the results being given on the big electronic board:


That seems kind of dramatic, especially for Japan. They don't just say "pass" or "fail", you have to wait with all these other people for this dramatic unveiling, and while some people spin away flinging their fists in the air, if you didn't cut it you have to bite your lip and try not to cry. Sucks!

Anyway, turns out the new Scott Pilgrim's really awesome. Who'dve thunk? And then I got my Japanese Driving License:


Man, I'm getting just too legit to quit here. Where am I gonna drive to?

Blog Breakdown! Apologies! Frustrated Errands! Hello July!

Matthew actually "bone-to-pick-ed" me about not posting here for going on a week now, and certainly I've got a lot to answer for. I will however use my time machine (a.k.a. alcohol - Oh! I kid! I won't touch a drop for at least another week) to go back and fill in the last five or six days I haven't posted with some business or other. Be sure to check it out! I'm sure there'll be some real gems in there!

Sigh.

Despite blogging here almost daily for almost a year now I'm still fairly skeptikal about blogging in general. That is, I want to blog daily, almost as a challenge for myself, but I don't want to just contribute to the ailing lifespan of a meme, limping its way through the internet, or keep chuntering along on reposts of found material. So last week I ran out of steam and anything I thought I wanted to write about, I quickly second guessed myself into dropping.

While I love writing I'm also aware that people like pictures more than words in some cases (internet browsing being one of those) so I generally hold off on posting unless I've got something to illustrate my post with. That's kind of come round to bite me on the ass though, because I probably end up writing less and using the pictures as a kind of crutch. Also I never remember to take photos of things. I meant to do an assload of restaurant reviews, but every time I go out I completely forget to snap the restaurant or the meal. Anyway I've put aside some time today for writing - any kind of writing - and this'll do as good as any, pictures or no pictures. I'm still stricken by the fear of vanishing into even more of a snivelling parody of a twenty-something indie-ish caucasian male though, so I also don't want to write too much about my day-to-day life. That's the kind of blog-work of which Chris always used to say "Why the fuck should I care?" Never a truer word and all that, but I think I'll have to relax a little bit.

Today I got up early-early and caught two trains and a bus to get out to the Unten Menkyo Shiken Jo - the driving test centre in Teine. Teine isn't that far from where I live, but there's no connecting bus routes from here, so I had to take two trains and a bus to get there. I went there to get a Japanese driving license, hopefully I can do so without taking a test because the UK and Japan have a reciprocal driving license scheme going seeing as we both drive on the left. I brought a veritable portfolio of forms, documents and IDs only to find that I'd still slipped up. I needed to prove that after having obtained my British license I had lived in the UK for at least three months and though it was pretty obvious, both my passport and driving license have been renewed while I've been in Japan so there's no actual written proof that I lived there. I could have got my license in the UK (11 years ago) and then fled the country immediately afterwards, spending the intervening time in Guatemala or Austria for all they know. It's a pisser, but you cannot (really, I didn't even bother, and I'm sure that I came out of the situation much better than if I had) argue with the rules in Japan. So I'll take my old passport and driving license and go back next week. I'll take photos then I think. The shiken jo feels like it's out in the middle of nowhere, and the pounding sun, the dying grass, the crowds of people aimlessly moving between innumerable counters and clerks made it feel like some kind of holding facility for lost souls who weren't quite bad enough for hell.

Next disappointment was at the post office. I'd already tried to post this sodding box to Bunny once, but it was 150g too heavy for regular parcel post. I took out a couple of inessential things and took it back, still 38g too heavy. So... one more time for the world.

The rude ladies at the bento shop Sazae (I used to think it was coz I was foreign, but my coworker told me they're rude to everyone) were marginally less rude than usual when I picked up onigiri for lunch.

OK! To the time machine...

The Greatest Company Name Ever

If you were thinking of starting a company, and if you were thinking of giving that company the greatest name ever... stop right there. It's already gone. Good people of the earth, I give you:

Driving Vicarious Execution

Sorry about the camera-phone picture, but I saw this baby while I was wandering through Kita 24 Jyo tonight and I had to get a record of it. I'd seen them driving around once before, when I was taking a taxi home from a club at around 4am and I'd dismissed the memory as a drunken hallucination. After all, what could it possibly mean? Driving Vicarious Execution? It's just random J-English non-sequiturs right?

Wrong! The company offers a designated driver service thing. Call them up when you're too hammered to steer and two guys come out, one of them drives you home in their little car, and the other one drives your car home for you. Now think about that monicker again and it all starts to fall into place.

Once again, Japan, I salute you.