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Crows: Zero II - the sequel to the hit movie prequel to the popular manga series about high school boys hitting each other, was pretty good fun as far as movies about twenty-something men playing high-school boys hitting each other go. If you're a fan of cute Japanese boys I would say that the thing is a veritable jamboree, and for me as a fan of punching in the movies, it was heartily enjoyable. It was too long, and spent too much time revelling in some of the 'character traits' and rivalries that it set up in the first film, but still - fun.
Of course when there is approximately one female character in the movie (who does even less than she did in the first film) it's gonna be impossible to avoid some kind of homoeroticism:
Although that guy, front and centre, was a nice addition to the cast that allowed them to play around with that whole - men liking manly men thing. Though sadly:
And the bromance between the two leads finally blossomed too:
Yeah, bromance, I used it without blinking. Get over yourselves. The movie was basically an extension of the first, a cartoonish coming of age piece where delinquent youths try to come to terms with what it is to be a 'man.' And it was about cute boys punching each other.
That of course, less of a draw for me than it might be for some, but I am seriously considering renaming this blog "Gay For Yamada Takayuki" because seriously, that guy may be short, but he's just insanely cool:
Or maybe a "Fuck Yeah, Yamada Takayuki" tumblr? God, he's amazing. Swoon etc. Last week I was in an office where they called for a guy with the same name. Seriously, I heard "Yamada Takayuki" and almost fainted. Must suck to be that guy at the moment though.
Unlike my previous "I want to punch so-and-so in the goddamn face" posts, I feel kinda sorry about this one. But the feeling's still there so I'm gonna go with it. High-school gold prodigy Ryo Ishikawa has been very, very famous in Japan for a long time now, at least since I've been here and he's only seventeen now. This means he's probably been weilding a driver since he was two and has been in the spotlight ever since. The hype machine is kicking in globablly now though, since he was invited to a few competitions on the US tour and the masters, so I figured I'd post about him. About wanting to punch him I guess, so it's not like I'm contributing anything constructive to the world, but at least I'm true to myself.
Ryo-kun is widely loved here in Japan, and it's not like I have as powerful a loathing for him as I do for Kuro-san or Ohno Satoshi. Just today someone was telling me how incredibly polite and humble he always seems, and how he seems so mature for a high school kid, but it just that... ever since I saw him I found his slightly pudgy face... really punchable. He's a high school kid too, so I could take him pretty easily, but then afterwards there would be no real sense of achievement. I'd probably even feel pretty guilty, I'm sure he's a good kid and I wish him the best of luck on the world stage but there's just something about him that flicks my punching switch. I'd probably lamp him, give him a shot to the gut and then apologise profusely. But I'd still have to do it.
I'm not proud.
Then again, you know how famous he is? This famous:
That's a statue of him in the Sapporo Snow Festival. Holy crap, he could probably pay to have me erased from history if he wanted. Still, Ishikawa Ryo, if I'm ever near a golf course you happen to be playing on... look sharp.
We have another contender! Most weeks, as I hope you're aware, I try to watch the Godly Super Chample which is broadcast on one of the local stations (HTV? STV? I'm ashamed to say I'm not exactly sure) at around 1am. But to get to Chample I have to get through Sapporo's movie show Theater S. Don't get me wrong, I love movie shows, but this one is presented by this dude.
Kuroiwa, or Kuro-san who is one of those gurning, mugging TV presenters who... you just want to punch right in the face. He often dresses up as characters from current movies in a phenomenally irritating manner, but I was inspired to add him to "The List" today when he was wearing no costume, and doing nothing more than introducing the show and I just blurted out: "God this guy pisses me off." Seriously, I... I don't want to analyse it too much, it'll lose it's magic. Let's just say he gets on my fucking nerves and leave it at that. Perfect. Beautiful.
I guess since he's from Sapporo there's a far higher likelihood of me running into him and, y'know, being forced to clean his clock than there is of me running into the other guys on my list. The list by the way is Satoshi Ohno from Arashi, that high school golf prodigy and Kuro-san. Look sharp Kuro-san... I'm in town already.
A while ago I wrote about how I wanted to punch Satoshi Ohno from the boyband Arashi in the goddamn face. This feeling has not gone away. In fact it has just been fermenting in me and returned with full force this week when I saw the latest Arashi ads for au phones:
Working late after the rest of the office has gone home, Satoshi takes a well earned break to listen to some hot new tunes on his au cell phone...
He just looks like a titanic cock there. The other band members are in far less annoying situations - convenience store worker, commuter and so on - but Satoshi plays the part of yuppy douche to perfection.
A punch to the face or a keyboard around the back of the head - that's all I ask.
Have you ever just wanted to punch someone in the face? I mean, for no reason really, just because their face was so incredibly... punchable? I kind of assume that everyone has, so I'm sure you can empathize with this post.
The Johnny's boy-band Arashi have been appearing in ads for au mobile phones for a while now, and one of these ads featured their leader Satoshi Ohno:
Look at that face. Look at it. C'mon take a good long look, really drink it in. Don't you just want to lamp him? Faintly smug, mostly vacant... can't you just picture planting a good solid right on that creamy cheek? I sure as hell know I can, there's something about Satoshi Ohno that just presses my punching buttons. And look how soft and round his face looks! I bet it would hardly hurt at all, either his face or my fist. It'd be like slugging the Michelin Man or Archer Prewitt's Sof' Boy.
Apparently Ohno is the leader of Arashi. Leader is a common concept among Japanese boy-bands: it's kind of like "The Tough One", "The Cute One", "The Funny One", "The Leader". He's said to be the best dancer, the best singer and the most artistically gifted. All that could be true, but it bags him diddly in my book of face-punchings. Next time I'm in Tokyo... look sharp Satoshi Ohno.
